What Men Think Of Women

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Cosmo recently published the results of an online survey of over 500 men asking them what they think of women.

Why Should Women Care?

Because our whole culture tells women that success, love and happiness comes when you’re “hot”, and the way to get “hot” is to diet and exercise and use every weird new chemical cosmetic and even inject toxins and cut your body to reshape it – because hot is everything, presumably so that guys will be more attracted to you and it’s your duty to please other people! (Yes I’m being sarcastic – you are so much more than a pretty thing for other people to admire or feel jealous of!)

Cosmo’s results are repeating what the men I know also say – most of them, anyway – and it gives men a lot more credit than the media gives them for actually liking women in all our wonderful diversity!

Mostly what it says is summed up by a comment in Ariel Levy’s excellent book Female Chauvinist Pigs.

Ariel asked a boy what he thought about girls constantly dieting. He replied that he and most of the guys he knew didn’t see the awful stuff about their bodies that the girls saw, and they just wanted to be with the girls.

Not “get with”, *be* with.

In other words, men like being around women who like themselves.

And Cosmo’s survey results echo this.

See also: Be  Thin, then you can love your body

Why Diets Don’t Work

One Tiny Beautiful Thought

Cellulite and Stretch marks

85% of men say they don’t notice them and don’t care if their partner has them. Only 15% said it was a turn-off for them.

I’d be asking that 15% what they’d want their woman to do about something that happens naturally to almost all women.

And if he suggests some form of invasive treatment or he’d be unable to be in a relationship with you, show him the door. Door = short term pain; putting up with a partner who sees your body as an object for his approval and use = a lifetime of pain.

bravo1

A flat stomach or a good sense of humour

87% prefer a good sense of humour. As one 23 year old guy says, a flat stomach doesn’t last very long, a sense of humour is for life.

Regarding which size is most attractive: 10% like size 6-8, 81% like size 10 – 12, 11% like size 14 .

That sounds a lot like the natural distribution of sizes among the population to me.

Takeaway #1: only a small percentage of guys like really thin girls, and from the comments it seems they know the difference between naturally really thin and beating-body-into-submission thin.

Takeaway #2: More guys like bigger girls (ie 14 ) than like really thin girls. Natural sizing across populations, anyone?

See also: Why Aspartame Isn’t Your Weight-Loss Friend

Media Reporting Body Image

How you Can Win the Fat Talk Game

What does a man think when a woman orders dessert

78% think: she wants dessert. That’s all, nothing else. LOL! rock on guys!

15% think “thank god she’s taking a night off the diet”, and just 7% think “she’s going to get fat”.

And if she does get fat, that means…. what, exactly? That she’s not worth your highly-valuable entitled attention? See the door solution, above.

About women who complain about their body weight

74% said women who complain about their weight are a bigger turnoff than those who maybe could lose a few kilos but don’t let it bother them.

86% said they’d rather have a relationship with a woman who enjoys food.

Only 14% said they prefer a woman to constantly diet.

Because if she’s constantly dieting to meet a standard set by the controlling male in their life, she’ll have less energy and self-esteem to challenge him on his controlling bullshit behaviour.

If the man in your life wants you to be constantly dieting, see the door solution above.

See Also: Why You MUST care about moving on from negative body image

Why loving your body anyway is the toughest thing you’ll ever do – and why it’s worth it!

You don’t have to try so hard!

They asked the guys to describe the last woman they slept with.

60% thought she looked great, 30% thought her breasts were fantastic, only 10% were unhappy with something (eg her breasts were too small).

Not so small that they weren’t having sex with her anyway. And seriously – she was having sex with you

Gravity-challenged breasts: 62% of guys said they loved it, 30% said they never noticed, and just 8% said they didn’t like it.

That’s a full 92% of guys who love the effect of natural gravity on breasts, ladies! Let the girls out of their metal cages already!

bravo1

About your weight

50% of men said you’d have to gain 10-15 kgs (that’s 35 pounds) before it turned them off.

25% of men said it would take a weight gain of 20-30 kilos.

One guy (age 21) said he’d never leave a girl just for gaining weight. Another (age 28) said he wouldn’t care at all if his girlfriend gained weight, and a third (age 26) said it would have to be a large amount for him to notice in the first place!

So – it’s NOT what men want. And are you really here to please every man on the planet, or just find that special one who will love you for who and how you are already? Is your happiness worth all the hate, lovely? Why are we all starving ourselves and hating our bodies anyway??

 

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46 Comments

  1. Natasha on February 24, 2011 at 9:00 pm

    I am 23 years old and a mother of two, and I have to say that I stress out about my body so much that I have periods where it really depresses me to look at myself naked. My husband says he doesn’t care that my stomach, better yet my saggy belly, isn’t what it used to be. Needless to say I always thought that he was just trying to make me feel better. Along with my belly, my butt and legs are slightly bigger then they used to be too. I am trying so hard to embrace my body, after all I do have a little girl and I don’t want her to have the wrong impression about what is beautiful. The men who think that women need to look a certain way need to be posted on a Real Pics of a Man’s Body and see how they like to be picked apart! After all they will eventually fall apart too! I also think that they need to use real women’s bodies in movies instead of the sickly things they call “real” women these days. Thank you so much for your encouragement, and I think that I am going to rethink that tummy tuck and lipo. :)

    • Sandy on February 24, 2011 at 9:57 pm

      @Natasha, please do try my free body bliss course, it will help you so much! Because we can have these little conversations with ourselves as much as we like, it’s still hard to bring the feelings into the line with the logic isn’t it? :) The free course will be a big help in actually shifting the feelings… and please do rethink that tummy tuck, I promise that when you give your body the love that you give to say, your lovely children, your body will absolutely radiate!! it’s not a matter of ‘settling’ for a body you’re actually unhappy with… try it please :) (I’m on a mission to change the world, one woman at a time, and would love it if you’d help me with it :) Sandy

  2. Canjie on April 17, 2012 at 8:44 am

    I’m so bothered about my physical appearance and starting to hate it. But after reading your blog, it was changed! You had a fantastic interview with men and I’m starting to love myself! Those guys are absolutely in love with their girls. :)

    • Sandy on April 17, 2012 at 10:19 am

      Canjie I hope you can keep this new attitude :)

  3. Cindy on July 2, 2012 at 9:26 pm

    After finding this site I truely believe that I can love myself. Reading all of your articles put a lot of things in perspective for me. I have spent almost 35 years disliking my body. It is time to love myself and I am ready. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

    • Sandy on August 5, 2012 at 12:52 am

      Cindy you’re very welcome – I know the world doesn’t want you to believe it, but it really is just a choice, and you have the power to make it. Keep reading the body-positive blogs though, because you will keep needing the support to drown out the noise from the marketing machine that is the diet industry, and sometimes seems to be everywhere. You can do it!

  4. jodicatt_rn@hotmail.com on July 20, 2013 at 2:12 am

    I am 44yrs old and struggled with my weight for at least30 yrs……I have been up and down but always had great guys that I dated,most of which for lengthy fun relationships…..so thankfully I can’t say anything negative about men based on my experience. These men were good looking great shape and all of them said it was my self loving honest secure personality that drove mad about me. Alot of the time my weight could be from average up to 40lbs overweight! I have never been called ugly, but I have to admit I had a girlfriends mother in law say to me once….,’your
    Face is so pretty….why don’t you loose some weight?’ I told her her face was wrinkely and she as never said another word about my weight

    • Sandy on July 26, 2013 at 11:23 am

      Jodi I love how you turned your critics words back on her – lovely :)

      Thanks also for sharing your dating experiences – it’s such a con that bigger people never get dates. Really, we sell guys short when we buy that story!

  5. Chris on October 9, 2013 at 11:32 am

    Some of these could be true while others aren’t. There’s just too many wrong conclusions about what men really want in media right now but this one is better than what I have read previously. I think when you are really committed to the person that the Lord blessed you with, you wouldn’t see her flaws as a turn-off. You might not like them but you just embrace them anyway.

    • Sandy on October 13, 2013 at 6:16 am

      Chris, and presumably she’d embrace yours :)

  6. Tom on October 16, 2013 at 3:43 pm

    I think women are right to diet and exercise if that is what is needed to maintain their weight, being overweight is probably the single thing that can ruin a man or woman’s looks, but women stress too much about this. If you are badly overweight (which is very few of you), lose it, don’t excuse it (no, we don’t buy that whole ‘you should love me as I am’ line, especially when many ‘larger’ folk insist on a nomal bmi partner) but if your bmi is in the normal range, you look great. Stop stressing, it’s all in your head – us men care much more about your face anyway (and for the record I tend not to even notice breast size, prefer perky average to anything larger and all in all could really care less – and i’m telling the truth!) as well as – shock, horror – your personality. The impression of which you are ruining in our eyes with your constant insecurity and particularly in your inability to trust us when we say you look great.

    Where particularly modern women really let themselves down is not physical. It’s actually in dysfunctional personalities and emulating many *supposedly* male traits they seem to find appealing, as if it could work for them – a lack of kindness and being harsh and judgmental, lack of empathy, constant hostility, abusive and manipulative behaviour and a simple lack of class and inability to say no to their desires – this is what hurts modern women most. Shape up ladies, you’re still expected to be decent human beings (and many of you just aren’t). Also on the list is a lack of deeper interests or knowledge and applied intelligence – personally I love a woman who is intelligent and loves to talk about some esoteric subject she has a passion in (just like you love that in men) but so few do, and a good deal assume that ‘intelligence’ means being opinionated, judgmental and having far too much to say about anything superficial. Don’t excuse your bad behaviour as ‘independence’ and your ‘intelligence’. It is not.

    Finally, I want to say this – men have their problems too. And ours are often far more intractable. I am in my 20’s and so I restrict myself to this dating pool, but in my view just about every single woman in her 20’s, if she is of a lean or healthy weight, exercises self control in her behaviour according to principles and is kind and feminine (kind and feminine is REALLY important – its a certain female vulnerability and softness of motion and softness in who you are that most draws men – at least men like me – to you, and chief among those qualities is GENUINE kindness to EVERYONE ALL THE TIME, not just those close or useful to you. Believe you me, we can tell, and men are often far more kind these days to strangers than women, who seem to think they can treat those they don’t need like trash – you can’t, not if you want a man) then just about any woman can be ‘hot’.

    You might think you have an ugly face, or small breasts, or large hips – and you would be surprised to see how readily we ignore that, or don’t even notice or treat it as a positive, quirky trait. Control your weight and beyond that, you probably look great.

    Men, on the other hand, while perhaps there is not so much pressure placed on their looks and they can do some easy things (like wearing good clothes and building a muscled body, though that is quite a long term process) to improve them, can find themselves saddled with intractable problems. For example, if a man starts suffering from hairloss or is quite short, there is literally nothing the poor sap can do about it. Many start losing hair young, and you are kidding yourselves if you think men don’t know that it affects their looks very badly – just take a balding man, and put your hand up to block off their forehead – and see how much better their face now looks – hair frames the face, and is very important to a man’s looks. Very few women (or men for that matter) like the bald look on the vast majority of guys, and generally men would be much happier with hair – but there are no effective treatments (without some nasty side effects) and the one solution that works well – modern haipieces, which are actually very hard to detect if done well – is ridiculed and akin to social suicide (even though its actually relatively low maintenance, and looks far better than balding or bald). This is tragic, as many guys lose hair early (even teens) and the poor saps are left feeling distinctly unwanted. Similarly, short guys go through life held back by a quality they had no influence over. Finally, there’s what makes a handsome face in men – bone structure – entirely beyond our control. Woe to the baby faced man.

    So before you lament how bad women have it, think about men for once, and how difficult it can be for us – we find it much harder to attract women in the first place (apparently most men are considered ugly by women, so only the best looking guys have it easy), we constnatly need to act like heroes and solve problems (not easy), women flake on us for just about any and every reason with NO explanation (even though we are usually very nice to them – and everybody, for that matter) and confound us with their dysfunctional choice of some pretty suspect men, and the things that harm our looks are generally out of our control.

    Trust me ladies, some men have it very, very tough. Try being a little more empathetic sometimes. You probably worry so much about your weight because of the kind of guy (the best one every woman wants, who plays all of you) you go for.

    • Sandy on November 11, 2013 at 8:02 pm

      Tom, oh so many points here I’d like to take apart. I’ll confine myself to one – believe me, all women do NOT want all men to solve their problems. Women are perfectly capable of solving their own problems. Men create their own problems by leaping in to feel like a hero, often unwanted, just like some women create their own problems by imagining that there’s something ‘wrong’ with their bodies and trying to live up to an impossible standard so they can observed to be perfect. But thanks for commenting.

  7. Elle on December 31, 2013 at 2:22 am

    Sandy, you were very kind in response to Tom, who on the whole seems to have a very low opinion of most women. I’m curious how, in your short life, Tom (in your 20’s), you’ve come to find that “many women” are so unkind, harsh, abusive, manipulative, judgmental, & not “decent human beings”.
    You seem to agree with the study in one breath, yet in the next say women should “control [their] weight”. You seem to be the type of guy who’s very adept at the backhanded compliment & seem slightly mysogonistic.
    Then you go on to lament how unfairly men are judged – “most men are considered ugly by women”. Says who, Tom? Where are you getting your statistics? I’ve dated tall men, short men, men with chiseled features, & men with baby faces. My last long term relationship was with a man who is overweight (by society’s standards – and so am I, for that matter), is just a couple inches taller than I (& often shorter than I, depending on my heels), is round-faced, and bald. And I still think he’s incredibly handsome.
    Tom, I’m sorry that you seem to have had a rough go of it so far. I’m not sure where you’re meeting these women who it sounds like have been so ugly to you, but perhaps you should try a different dating pool. And I can’t help but feel like you might have a low opinion of yourself as a result of this. You’re so young to have such a pessimistic opinion of the “relationship world”. I hope you’ll take an opportunity to delve into what’s created this view – perhaps it would help to speak with someone who can help you sort these things out.
    Best of luck to you.

    • Sandy Ross on January 2, 2014 at 9:46 am

      Elle – I love the responses you’ve given to Tom, I think you’re also kind :) HOpefully it might help Tom shift his perspective on some of his experiences, thanks for sharing yours Elle :)

      Sandy

  8. wayne on January 4, 2014 at 3:10 am

    Men aren’t some homogenous sheep like herd…we all have different tastes, intellect, maturity and moreover the reliability of stats is dependent upon the size of the poll, the questions asked etc not to mention you could just have an uncanny random sample of simpletons answering. Also , the vast ,majority of editors of women’s magazines are women so tragically women perpetuate this myth of what it is be attractive. Finally, many women discriminate men by virtue of their height or lack thereof…and sadly some women who are tiny who wear columns of wood to elongate their legs to make them “appear” sexier now demand that a man must equal or surpass this artificial height?….the reality is there are immature women and immature men…some men are idiots and pander to societal manipulation and some women do likewise. My suggestion is …be the best person you can be and hopefully you can attract a similar soul. The myth of pre-programming is nonsense because it we were a prisoner to our primeval wants and urges we would be copulating in the streets, defecating on sidewalks but we don’t….why? because we have the ability to reason. The pseudo science of men needing women with large boobs etc to assist in raising large families or the assertion that large boobs mimic a larger glutus maximus and therefore conducive to higher birth success is as nonsense as a tall man is preferable to protect a family…..large breasted women are equally capable of not procreating as their flatter chested peers and as many tall men abandon their families as shorter men. Just be yourself be proud of the fact that it took 250,000,000 to one chance for the sperm to fertilise your mums egg to be successful, factor that by two to get both sides of your family so that your parents existed to pass on the genes times your earliest ancestor…it is a miracle we are all here….so enjoy who you are and be proud of how you managed to be here.

    • Sandy Ross on January 4, 2014 at 5:10 am

      Wayne – great points all, thank you for your defense of men! I think men also get a bad rap in the media. Every time I see an ad for male ‘grooming products’ I want to yell nooooo guys don’t DO it! Ignore what the ad is telling you about being male, don’t follow women down that rabbithole into never-ending buying of cosmetic and fashion ‘fixes’ for something that was never broken in the first place!

      Appreciate you commenting :)

  9. Donna on February 6, 2014 at 9:45 am

    I lost a lot of weight really fast and was left with stretch marks around my armpits and stomach. I used almost the whole bottle of Made from Earth’s Aloe & Jojoba Creme Therapy before my girlfriend commented on how they were fading. I didn’t really notice because I see it every day, so the change was gradual. Definite give the Made from Earth Aloe a try, because it worked wonders for me!

  10. julieke on March 20, 2014 at 12:55 am

    i see both arguments to be fair, yes women shouldn’t read these silly magazines from an early age to be barbie dolls, teen magazines, also they see their mums dieting and most miserable for doing so, the womens magazines criticizing some celeb has put on pounds or cellulite, it infuriates me, i couldn’t give a damn so what i may not the prettiest in the bunch, or the richest or whatever these so called people say you should be, it took me a fab guy to realise that he don’t like skinny women says at my side “really who wants the feeling of someones bones grinding with yours shudders” lol says any imperfections i feel i have he loves every bit of them its who i am not only looking in my eyes but personality and confidence (which i never had much of due to being clinically depressed) the first thing he noticed was my cracking smile and eyes, awwww lol and fell in love more as my confidence grew… his quote from somewhere not sure where ..i think a lot of emotionally mature mne would agree the sexiest thing a woman can wear is a smile and confidence .. they dont give a flying hoot what size clothes you wear shoe size bra size or whatever …the fun is finding out 😛 just thought id share my experience ..yes i have shown a few halfwit shallow egotistical narrow minded emotionally immature chauvinistic pigs to the door lol but be fair not all men are like that i know this …winks have a great day smiling and loving yourself because your worth it ladies ….

    • Sandy Ross on March 20, 2014 at 5:37 am

      Julie, sounds like you’ve got a good one :) I really do think the media gives men a bad rap when it comes to women. Straight men like being with women, and they’re way, way more accepting of women with all our diversity and ‘imperfection’ than the media portrays. Very happy for you that you’ve got such a great one :) Has he got any good friends like him? 😉

  11. julieke on March 20, 2014 at 6:17 am

    they are taken im afraid but i found mine on a online dating site actually talked for a whole year before meeting and 2 months without a picture seen … so yes men dont go for the slim blond blue eyed fake boobed nails and big hair do’s …fine if thats what makes you happy not what you think a man likes or wont like after all he may meet you all dolled up smelling nice etc if he cant see you at your worst he sure wont at see you at your best :) so guys write a magazine for women saying what you really like in a woman … we aint mind readers :)

    • Sandy Ross on March 20, 2014 at 6:21 am

      Agree 100% :) If a woman likes the blonde-big-boob look, then go for it – but do it because YOU like it, not because you think it’s what men want. Doing what you think makes other people happy isn’t going to make YOU happy in the long run! Sounds like you’re on the way from misery to happiness today, uhuh :)

  12. julieke on March 20, 2014 at 6:36 am

    hehe sandy it took me a few years to realize that and a good man ..:P but yes things can be seen so more clearly when you get your head out of your butt lol and the mindset of what men want..or what we think they do…we are soooo wrong sometimes lol but ty for letting me share this i hope both men and women can gain something from it ..can only be for the good yes????

    • Sandy Ross on March 20, 2014 at 6:51 am

      I appreciate you sharing so openly Julie! It’s one thing for me to spout off about all of this, it’s much more helpful I think, for readers, to be able to see what other women think about this stuff. Mostly we don’t talk with one another about it, so the media has the opportunity to fill the gap and tell us what and how we ‘should’ be. I love what you’ve got to say about it :)

    • julieke on March 20, 2014 at 6:59 am

      oops forgot to mention and as for you guys ..no we dont all like the big muscley well endowed sex gods that you think we do infact i hate the beefy look all that veiny muscle will sag in your old age lol …

      • Sandy Ross on March 20, 2014 at 7:02 am

        LOL Julie, great point! When I see a really muscly guy I can’t help thinking, “I hope he’s doing that because it makes him feel good, not because he’s more into his looks than the average woman.” Man, the work it takes to maintain that – can’t see there’d be much time left for life!

  13. julieke on March 20, 2014 at 7:18 am

    maybe he was that one that was shown the door who knows lol i mean yes keep themselves fit and not turn into the comfortable beer swilling pot belly couch potato homer simpson ..of course we all have to maintain ourselves to a point but be realistic lol ive almost written a colomn for a magazine lol

  14. Ks on April 12, 2014 at 6:53 am

    I am 28, mother of 2 beautiful kids, 10 and 8. My youngest really did my body in, I have loose skin on my lower stomach area, but my stretch marks don’t bother me at all like I thought they would, and believe me, they are there!! I am very small, 5 ft, small breast, “athletic” thighs as all my friends will say… I have very poor self image… its not an everyday thing, but most days are bad… I struggle everyday to be confidant about myself because my daughter, 8 and oh so beautiful, is looking like me. I don’t want her to grow up and think she needs to have breast implants, botox, blonde hair….ect, to be beautiful. Because she is a natural beauty… I just don’t understand why I can’t see that same beauty in myself ( especially since she looks so much like me) I can’t help the way I feel when I always have society in my face everywhere I go telling me I am not beautiful… I oh so bad want breast implants (small) tummy tuck and start “keeping up with my face”, but I can’t…. I can’t let my daughter see me do these things, because she will feel that way too…
    It is just so disheartening to know what “we women” have to deal with every single day!

    • Sandy Ross on April 12, 2014 at 7:42 am

      Ks,

      The fact that you’re aware of what your daughter is observing is awesome! And I get that it’s a struggle – the world has never been more focussed on women’s bodies being perfect than it is now. It’s really, really hard to avoid. Can I suggest you keep raising your awareness even a little higher – keep reading blogs that focus on the whole you, and maybe consider going on a media diet for a while? Also, what are you doing in your life every day that is supporting your spirit? Keep on raising your own awareness – you are giving your daughter SUCH a gift – the gift of knowing she is so much more than what other people think of her body. And so are you!!

  15. rosalita26 on April 16, 2014 at 4:33 am

    I just want to respond I’m a short female an thicker with a decent face I have dated smaller men an heavier set men .What I’ve really noticed is its hard to please everyone why not be happy with your self for awhile I always admired thicker woman for there confidence my ex wanted me to gain wieght an eat more why I don’t know .I chose walking eating light an lean an working a day at a time towards a healthier happier me . I was always a small women up until about 24 I had a child an gained wieght I went fron 120 -189 gave birth to a 7/13 pound baby I went down to about 145 after but always noticed my man’s eyes on a leaner smaller woman an I never understood why sone guys preffer a woman to be thicker an heavy set at home but younger an leaner in the streets s I recently decided to slim down not for him but for my confidence.I have dated a few who preffered me thicker an are aposed to a smaller woman.I always had barely any breasts an a flat stomache an wore heels when I was younger now I’m a c cup a six 7-8 in jeans an going down ithink if a lot of guys may like it thicker but I want to stay small I like how it feels to be able ti find under wear an clothes in your size easier how you feel when you put heels on an not neglecting your body for a man who preffers a thicker female but I feel sexy until I watch theses movies with tiny woman in them its a reminder of femininity as a woman dainty classy females but to be happy an confident an be the best me I can be an not allow a man to make me feel like I need to be small or thick this coming from a interacial dating female I feel as though you get treated better whrn your smaller instead of a guy only admiring you for your curves so shallow .Them wanting to hook up an eat is pathetic I’d rather a man admire me for my smile the way I carry myself how I treat people and my outlook on things an what we have in common.

    • Sandy Ross on April 16, 2014 at 8:45 am

      Rosalita, a MAN connects with a woman – mind, body and spirit. Boys treat women like objects. I love your attitude :)

  16. rosalita26 on April 16, 2014 at 4:42 am

    Also what’s with guys wanting us females to bulk up without a wedding first if I’m going to gain wieght its for a good cause some men have low self asteem an are harder to satisfy. Im working towards staying small until I’m married an even then at least toning up to feel younger have more energy an bieng able to focus on my little 1 who is full of energy . If a guy tells me to get thick showing him the door forget how aman is built race or size a smart funny guy with class an style a little charm an believescin god has respect for women an is open to what god wants for him is what I’m into

  17. julieke on April 16, 2014 at 9:37 am

    i was size 10 before i married ..then got married had children (my world) and didnt have a great marraige but i believed it should be worked at but i couldnt do it alone so 19 years of a verbal abusive and he was a control freak ..he was commonly known as the feeder i was size 24 by then..basically if i looked gross to him no ther man would want me ..which he constantly told me i wouldnt…. i was then clinically obese and depressed… anyhoo enough about my life story…just to prove as sandy knows … i got a great guy that loves me inside and out curves smile eyes wrinkles and grey hairs that stick up lol ..and hes just amazing ..he helped me see i was just as beautiful as him with my curves and all … and hes the kind of guy youd think would never look at you twice ..but guess what he saw my smile and that was it he was hooked… the more we talked and shared stuff..stuff id not even discussed with my mum lol … he helped me accept im just as beautiful inside as i am out.. i may not be the prettiest cupcake in the box but he was more intrigued why i didnt have the fakery of extra icing and sprinkles that we think attracts men …sometimes we are just as wrong as (boys) they are to think thats what they want..but then men should say what attracts them what makes them run … we are not psychic and these internet quick diet scams etc and how to get thin quick should be illegal..womens magazines shouldnt make women feel self hate ..look at that celeb shes lost her baby fat 6 weeks after birth or look at her cellulite like our guys give a flying fig whats in a womans magazine ..neither should women to be honest …like back in the day feminist burnt the bra lol burn the magazine boycot them dont buy the rubbish …simple :) your all beautiful no matter what size colour or culture ..smile .live and BE YOU TI FUL !!!!

  18. Syvana on November 21, 2014 at 11:53 pm

    I love my face but after having two kids and the baby belly that don’t like to go away its hard to love myself. I have found out that it is very hard to do when the one you are with tells you that if he were not with you he would hit in a physically attractive woman he works with, And I find myself hitting bottom so fast my head spins. He says that he loves me and it will never change but when he says that stuff I really start to rethink about what i could change and what I did wrong. I know I don’t look that bad but at times he makes me fill like I’m a pill of glop you feed to pigs.

    • Sandy Ross on November 22, 2014 at 6:28 am

      Hi Syvana – that really sounds like a tough situation, I’m sorry to hear it :( Thing is, you’re a whole person, a mother, and even more than that! If your husband thinks he can do ‘better’ then as tough as it is to hear this, he should go do that. Because YOU deserve better from the father of your children than to be told you’re not enough. He seriously needs to grow up and you my dear are the one who needs to tell him that. He’s threatening the security of your family with his fantasies and he needs to get on with it, or get over it. I really suggest that some kind of marriage counselling would be helpful for you both – for you to help with your self worth that he’s battering at with his fantasies, and for him with his childish sense of entitlement to a ‘perfect’ female body. I hope this helps, though it’s maybe not what you want to hear. ~Sandy

  19. Alison on December 28, 2014 at 1:41 pm

    These results may appear at first glance encouraging until we consider that the vast majority of women are in fact size 14!!!! This means the vast majority of men are not satisfied with the average women ….
    Not very encouraging
    Furthermore, when one looks at the typical porn star ( the epitome if a women tailored to the average mans tastes) she looks nothing like any wife or mother I know
    Face it ladies ! If men could replace us with 20 year old perfect to bodies blondes they would do it in a heartbeat !!!

    • Sandy Ross on December 29, 2014 at 4:53 am

      Alison, I take your point and have pondered something similar myself. I’ve concluded that the point is really insulting to men. The media would have us believe that all men are slavering sex maniacs and that sex is their primary focus in life. I’m sure that’s true for some men. I refuse to believe though that all men are simply sex-seeking machines, incapable of deep emotion or commitment.

    • latintruth on January 13, 2015 at 5:19 pm

      I’m with Alison on this one. She did say the vast majority not all! I know of many women’s lived experiences. Yes, there are some men who love and commit no matter what, but many are not happy with the way women are naturally. That’s 91% of men who prefer the 6-8 and 10-12 size range!

      • waynecostellowayne on January 14, 2015 at 1:12 am

        “vast” majority v all….what’s the difference if miniscule. Reports, investigations, analyses are by and large infested with confirmation bias. I could easily locate studies that show that men prefer women with “curves” or illustrate that women are equally, in vast number, motivated by issues such as height ( where there is no regimen to alter the shape), money and status. The problem with sexism it seems to only ever travel down a one way street. As a bloke, I too have a lived experience and having all brothers and played sport all my life which means access to bawdy dressing rooms of fellow team mates and “bonding” sessions in the bar afterwards, I can safely say you are perpetuating both a myth but also a form of sexism against men. The “ideal” woman manufactured by society doesn’t live in the bars, nightclubs, etc of our world and men engage and fall in love with “ordinary” women, marry and procreate on a daily basis, if your contention was correct, then the world’s population would be falling not rising. I appreciate the difference between sex and love but the issue is what amalgams both…ie desire….if men ….91% of men only desired a certain paradigm, and if the vast majority of women don’t meet that paradigm and the shortfall of men who aren’t successful in attracting the said paradigm albeit are “settling” for miss normal then this women mean that the vast majority of men in loving relationships are either perpetuating a falsehood or are delusional. The fact remains that when canvassed the first adjective women use is ” height”….followed by looks, status and their ample studies that demonstrate such. Is this truly representative? I think not…maybe the immature or the contagion of confirmation bias as I referred to earlier but the real beauty of attraction is that it throws a “curve ball” …the old adage of beauty is in the eye of the beholder remains a truism. The vast majority of men are not the Hugh Hefner’s of the world or the bar charlatan…they are normal, rational beings who appreciate other normal rational beings. Sexism perpetrated doesn’t always wear underpants.

        • Sandy Ross on January 14, 2015 at 6:08 am

          Wayne I love that men join the discussion on this thread! The media would have us believe that all men are slaves to their sex drive and every woman should be falling over herself to be a perfect fantasy to meet that drive. Not so at all in the real world. We all know of stunningly handsome men blissfully paired with plain Janes, and super models paired with plain Jack. Because we’re all capable of looking past the surface for the relationship that meets our deeper needs. Despite the image of relationships we see in the media. Though I observe that we’re starting to see more diversity at last – presumably a response to people objecting to the media we have been seeing.

      • Sandy Ross on January 14, 2015 at 5:56 am

        That would be true of men who believe that women are objects whose sole purpose is to decorate the world for the pleasure and use of males. Sadly many women behave as though they believe this is true too. But men and women who think that women are people are much more accepting of the natural diversity of human sizes and shapes. At least in my experience.

  20. Joey Love on January 11, 2015 at 2:08 am

    I REALLY needed to see this article! I have struggled for years with starving myself…over exercising…binge, purge….anorexia. Right now I am a size 10 but I feel pretty good about myself. But I still can't get rid of the "you could still stand to lose 15 pounds" in the back of my head….

    I loved this article so much!

    • Sandy Ross on January 12, 2015 at 7:43 am

      Hi Joey – keep reminding yourself what’s important – everything you are :) Your body is just one part of who you are – you know that already :) Ignore the media’s obsession with looks. I often wonder how many media people have eating disorders, and they transfer that disordered thinking onto their work.

  21. waynecostello on January 11, 2015 at 11:20 pm

    Re Alison- I completely disagree. You seem the think men are nothing more than sex obsessed which is rather sexist and naïve. Prof Winsotn, an eminent psychiatrist has argued that love mutates as we develop together. My parents died three years ago, my dad died three months after my mum, heart broken. AS a lawyer I represented my family at my dad’s sudden death inquest and produced evidence produced by recent medical investigations that the concept of a broken heart does exist and is manifest through the release of chemicals that weaken the walls of the heart when a person who is experiencing great grief on the passing of a loved one. Prof Winston posited that as we age our notion of love and romance alters as a couple mature. I don’t know if you had a bad experience which informs your opinion but some men attach, are loyal and loving and to suggest we treat women as though as are trading in an old car for a new one perpetuates a myth that is injurious to men and women alike. My little niece of seven said last week she “wants to meet a rich man”…my nephew of 11 rebutted and said ” no, you should marry out of love”.. Our culture plays a role admittedly but we all have different personalities inculcated by different agencies of socialisation at different degrees of influence. Modern research is demonstrating that abuse against men is increasing and as many women cheat as men. The suggested notion that men are some evil gender is simply incorrect…..some people have no moral compass, others do and others again lose theirs….be it man or woman. I know women, short women at that, who would refuse to date a guy unless he was over six foot?….and modern young women look for the chiselled six pack portrayed in the media as much as young men lust over the glamour model but that isn’t to say women cant and don’t fall for the slightly shorter rotund guy who becomes their best friend or the man cant fall for the adoring woman who has curves in all the right places or the beautiful flat chested woman? For goodness sake …give some men and women credit for being normal and …dare I say….decent.

    • Sandy Ross on January 12, 2015 at 7:45 am

      Wayne, I agree that broken hearts are real. After the seige of Leningrad was relieved in WW2, the rate of heart attack was massive. Was it that people were so unhealthy? Possibly? Or was it immense grief? Equally possibly I believe. Thanks for this thoughtful response. I posted it in the hopes that women would realise men are so much more accepting of the variety of women than are the media or than the media would like us to believe for the sake of their advertisers.

  22. Body Bliss Central on January 13, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    Joey, good on you for being open to considering there might be a truth that the media isn't reporting and influencing us with as 'normal' behaviour, instead of a reflection of their own disordered thinking. Best wishes to you :)

  23. Krissy Häilwôôd on February 20, 2015 at 2:39 am

    Really good read, very insightful. All women should read this article :)

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