Reclaiming Skinny Bones

down-the-rabbit-hole I had an epiphany this morning, one of those out-of-the-blue moments that first took my breath away and then had me following the thought and the feelings  it brought up down a rabbit hole I didn’t know existed!

I thought I’d share it here because it might ring a bell for you, and help you do so healing.

It went this way:
I was joining a conversation on the Health at Every Size (R) blog, about Barbie. My posts here on BBC about Barbie’s influence on negative body image get regular visitors, so the plastic princess’ potential influence on girls is an issue we’re all aware of at the moment.

I visited the post again to find a link that referred to a university study into how playing with Barbie influenced seven-year-old girls’ opinions of their own bodies, to paste into the discussion. It’s a long post and I had a quick skim through it again and that’s when the epiphany hit!

Skinny Pops In


Skinny Bones. Actually I was probably pretty average-sized

I was reading again about how I’d been known as “Skinny” and “Bones” for much of my young life. As an adult I could see it was a fond nickname but as a child I hated it! It felt like a judgement, like I was not enough, a freak show.

And of course the more I protested the more the name was chanted at me by my brothers – little boys, you know 🙂

So I quickly learned that ignoring the name was the price I needed to pay to hear it less. So I got very very good at ignoring it, even disowning it. BUT I realised this morning that somewhere along the way I also disowned Skinny Bones.

As I skimmed that old post, Skinny popped up in my mind and looked me in the eye, saying, “I’m still here, waiting for you to like me again”.




With the work I do, I’ve done a LOT of work on being happy with my imperfect legs, having my gran’s knees and chin, my other gran’s inconvenient little mole on my nose right where my sunnies rest, my dad’s tendency to gain tummy weight, my mums’ tendency to retain fluid in the ankles, and the overall (former) burden of living in an ‘imperfect’ example of a female body.

Not Skinny, But Happy

So much work in fact that now I enjoy my body, notice with great interest and affection how we’re changing as we age, and appreciate our daily cues about what we need for fuel, when we need to rest, how we need to manage stresses differently, and so on.

I’ve spoken before about how I’ve been neutral about my looks – these days I’m much more on the side of affectionate fondness.

So this awareness blindsided me – honestly, I thought I’d done all the work! Hilarious to think that we’ve ever done all the work. :D:D

That sad little part of my soul has been waiting all these years to finally be open enough to reclaim her. I’m 52.

Certainly did bring me to tears for a minute.

So of course, I tapped – I’ll share my tapping here in case you have a patient, perhaps sad, little piece of your soul that you disowned somewhere along your lifeline, who would love to be back in your loving arms.

(Get my EFT Tapping on a Page – click here)

I did one round each using these statements:

Even though I hated being called Skinny, being called Bones, and I rejected those names, I didn’t know I was also rejecting you, I love and accept myself anyway.

What would you say if you were talking to a rejected part of yourself?

Even though I rejected you, I’m so grateful you’ve been waiting patiently for the right time for me to reclaim you, I love and accept myself anyway.

Gratitude is such a high-frequency emotion that I always include it somewhere in my tapping, and this seemed the right place. Feel free to make up your own gratitude statement, or use this one.

Even though I rejected you, I forgive myself because rejecting you was the best I could do when I was so little, and I love and accept myself anyway.

I also include forgiveness whenever possible in my tapping – because sitting in judgement on past actions can really lock down the healing. Again, use your own words of forgiveness or feel free to use these.

So what were the results of my tapping?

A lovely warm buzz, mostly in my legs – it’s still going on.

Something shifting in my heart – also still going on – and a bubbly laughing kind of lightness all over me.

I realise that it’s no coincidence that Skinny Bones has popped up right now.

I’m gathering my courage to launch my first program for 2.5 years, the Easy Way to Quit Sugar, and I’m nervous about putting myself out there again. Skinny Bones was a feisty little thing, she stood up for herself and went for what she wanted.

I think when I left her behind I became quieter, more compliant on the surface, less willing to say what I thought so I didn’t get taunted or whacked, and more introverted.

What about you?

How was the tapping for you?

What part of yourself did you leave behind?

What will reclaiming that part of you bring freshly to your life? I’d love you to share in the comments below…


  1. Kristi on April 2, 2014 at 11:46 pm

    Can I tell you about my day? I saw a TED video on set point that sent me googling for more info, which led me to your 2011 post on a set point experiment. I liked that, so I went looking for more. I was piqued and wondered “how’d that work out?”
    In my hunting around, I landed here. Oh shazam. I just got the spirit wind knocked out of me.
    Talk about being blindsided. My childhood nicknames were bag o bones, skinny, bony, etc. & my dad used to play old Susannah on my ribs. In high school I was dubbed Flaca (skinny in Spanish) and in my 20s30s, Olive Oyl. Not flattering, right?
    Whew. Boy did I feel ugly thinking about those names, recalled by reading yours. I just had this sudden feeling of remembering how I felt back then: if I could just be heavier I’d be ok.
    Then, I suddenly realized as I read your post: ALL THE WORK HAS BEEN ON ACCEPTING MYSELF AS HEAVY. (Im 40s now, and 60lbs over my weight at 18yrs) shazam. I have done Zero on healing the skinny me that I put away out of shame.

    Well, I guess I know what I’ll be tapping on today. Thanks so kindly for including the script. I briefly read it and felt stabbing pain–there’s a whole steamer trunk to unpack around this.
    I can’t tell when this was posted, but it sure was timely for me. Thanks for carrying the torch!!

    • Sandy Ross on April 3, 2014 at 6:31 am

      Hi Kristi – I just wrote that a couple of weeks ago – I’m tickled that it resonated with you 🙂 As a counsellor I know that when something shows up in my life for healing, there’s almost a guarantee that the next few people I work with will have something similar (sometimes the SAME thing) bugging them. So I figured I’m probably not the only person who disowned their SkinnyBones. Thanks so much for taking time to comment 🙂

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