On Feeling Satisfied and Setting Feeling Goals

You’re reading this because you don’t feel satisfied with something about your life, right? If you’re like most readers here at BBC, you’re here because you’re not satisfied with something about your body.

I get that. That old saying been there, done that, bought the t-shirt and worried about if it was too tight or too loose, showed enough cleavage or too much, was the right length to make my arse look great but not huge, blah blahblah blahblah. I can laugh now but if you’re still in that place, know that I get it, and know that there’s a way out of it!

That path doesn’t involve doing a single thing to change your body in any way.

Every step of the path is about you, though.

It’s about what you think and what you feel, each as important as the other.

have no fear of perfection It’s not about the world and what it expects of you, because God knows there’s just no way any human can live up to what the world seems to expect a woman to look like!

If this is the first time you’re visiting BBC, this post is a great first step.

If you’ve been on the journey for a while, this is a great next step.

And if you, like me, have the grand illusion that you love and accept your body already, this is a great checkin 🙂

Here’s why I’m thinking about satisfaction and why it matters on your journey.

Feeling unsatisfied with your body is something you’ve been doing for so long that it’s probably just normal to feel and think that way every day. Chasing that ‘perfect’ you is just what you do.

It was true for me for way too many years of my life.

And it made me feel miserable for most of my life until I realised it’s just not possible to be perfect, ever.

But if achieving perfection is not possible, what to do with the feeling of dissatisfaction?

For me, acknowledging the feeling is step 1.

Clearing the feeling (with a tool like tapping) is step 2. And then what?

Replace it with a feeling you’d rather have.

As a woman you’re probably pretty in tune with your emotions, right?

I realised recently that what makes the most sense to me in terms of general life stuff, is setting what Joan Sotkin calls Feeling Goals.

I’ve been pretty good at achieving external goals but in the last few years I’ve really not cared that much about external goals. So Joan’s definition really spoke to me, perhaps it will speak to you too? (A link to Amazon is below, I got the Kindle version of the book to read on my phone.)

I’m betting it’s an idea that makes sense to you too, right? So if it’s your habit to feel dissatisfied with your body or your life, what if you could replace it with satisfaction?

You CAN teach yourself to be satisfied

Start with noticing what is already satisfying. Here’s what’s satisfying me this week:


My Oil Diffuser and essential oil collection – and the lovely blend of rosemary, sandalwood, frankincense and black pepper.

Running my essential oil diffuser all day every day, and at night, just because I want to

I have a lovely ultrasonic electric one that switches itself off when the water runs out and has an optional colour-changing light. I love essential oils and for too long my painstakingly-curated collection has been sitting in its lovely box in a cupboard! What are you waiting for? Go get yours out 🙂 I’m currently diffusing a delightful blend of rosemary, sandalwood, frankincense and jasmine. (Amazon has some great diffusers though I got mine from a local health food place.)

My nails

They’re in great condition right now, no splitting or chipping going on, I’m not even clear-lacquering them at the moment, I just clip them once a week or so. They’re in such great condition it looks like I have a French mani.

Decluttering old records

I can feel my whole self getting lighter and lighter with every piece of paper that hits the recycle bin! I’ve been reading The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up, which is a great reminder of how decluttering stuff helps you lighten up! If you’re a similar age to me, you’ve heard about decluttering the last few times it’s been around. Always good to remind yourself though 🙂  My wardrobe is next in my sights!

Reconnecting with my holistic spiritual self

I realise that I’ve been very focussed on being very busy with solving so many problems since my husband’s death that I’ve substantially ignored that very real side of myself, other than doing irregular tapping and occasional meditating.

No wonder I’ve been so damned tired and getting sick, the tank’s just about empty 🙂

Reading the book above is part of that nurturing, as is the delightful Joan Sotkin’s Building Your Money Muscles, as I’m coming to terms with spending my money exactly the way I want to. You’d think it would be easy but lots of really interesting permission stuff coming up for me the last few days!

Taking time to notice that my food is delicious and very satisfying

I’ve talked often about how important it is that food is enjoyable and satisfying; that feeling guilty about what you eat causes stress to the body’s energy system.

I gave up food guilt years ago but I’ve been eating kind of unconsciously. Now I’m chewing more slowly and enjoying the smell, taste and texture of all my food.

I’m particularly enjoying ahhmazing Mumbai Chai tea, a gift from one of my delightful daughters, and successfully avoiding trying vegemite chocolate! (It’s a thing…. I have a feeling that’s an experience I’d want to unhave but wouldn’t ever be able to!)

And also taking time to notice what’s going well in this still-new single life

I was married for 32 years. Rediscovering and reinventing who I am and what I want is, I’m aware, satisfying.

My plan is to keep repeating ‘satisfied’ in quiet moments, noticing where else I’m satisfied and to welcome new moments of satisfaction.

Right now I’m noticing that I’m satisfied with this article.

I hope you’re satisfied with small somethings in your own life.

1 Comment

  1. Marina on June 11, 2015 at 7:06 am

    Thank you so much for this post. It was an answer to a question I have been meditating on for months now.

    Namaste <3

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