The Best Answer to “Does this Make Me Look Fat?”

I really feel sorry for a guy who is faced with the question “does this make me look fat”, because it feels like there’s no right answer, and you might feel like a deer in the headlights when she asks you this question!

But what if the question was a great opportunity to help your partner understand that you love her just the way she is, and reassure her about how attractive she is to you?

If she’s confident that you find her attractive, she’ll be happy and feel closer to you, and I’m sure you know what that means, right? ๐Ÿ˜‰ Let’s just say, you’ll be irresistible!

Here’s a few options to think through so you’re prepared for the question next time. Use active listening skills – this means you are listening to what she’s saying, not trying to solve the problem.

Good Answers to “Does This Make Me Look Fat?”

She: “Does this make me look fat?”
You: “You think it makes you look fat?”
She: “Well, yes….”
You: “I think you are gorgeous/hot/beautiful/[your own word] whatever you wear”

She: “Does this make me look fat?”
You: “Are you really asking me if I think you look gorgeous/hot/beautiful/[your own word]?”
She: “No, I’m asking you if you think I look fat in this.”
You: “I think you are beautiful whatever you wear.”

Notice you had a little conversation there – you didn’t just go right to the punchline.

Women like that, they like to feel that the person they’re sharing their life with, actually listens to them and doesn’t just fob them off with a barely-listening automatic reply. When you do that, she knows you’re doing it and she’ll get upset about it (rightly so, no one likes being disregarded) – not what you’re going for.

Look, you get points for making an effort, any effort. This is a really important issue for her, or she wouldn’t be asking you about it!

She: “Does this make me look fat?”
You: “You are always the most beautiful woman in the room to me.”

She: “Does this make me look fat?”
You: “I love you so much, when I look at you all I see is how gorgeous/hot/beautiful/[your own word] you are, I love everything about you.”

She: “Does this make me look fat?”
You: “I love every inch of your body, you look gorgeous/hot/beautiful/[your own word] no matter what you wear, I love everything about you.”

She: “Does this make me look fat?”
You: “Are you kidding me? I can’t keep my eyes off you, you’re gorgeous/hot/beautiful/[your own word] no matter what you wear. I love everything about you.”

Are you seeing the pattern here? You’re actually not saying anything about fat, you’re simply offering reassurance about something she really needs, AND you’re appreciating everything she is to you, not only a body.

Now believe me, every woman knows if she looks fat or not – you can pretty much guarantee she spent ages in front of the mirror looking at all the angles. What she’s really asking you for here is reassurance.

Remember that!

She’s not asking you to fix anything, or to tell her what to wear.

She wants reassurance.

How To Make Sure You’re Ready For The Question

Practice these lines in your mind, or in front of the mirror.

You’re not rehearsing so you can get her off your back, you’re building a new pathway in your brain so that when the question comes up, the answer you want will be there or you’ll be much more able to come up with an answer that will let her know you’re really listening to her.

If you practice all these lines three or four times, every time she asks and gets a real response from you that reassures her, she’ll ask the question less and less.

Because remember, she’s NOT asking you if she’s fat, she’s asking you if she’s important to you.

So you’re telling me to lie?

Nope, I’m telling you to reallyย listen to what she’s asking you.

What if I do think she’s fat?

Fat is a very long spectrum. And maybe the question here should be: “What if I’m no longer attracted to her because her weight has changed and I only like women whose bodies are thinner?”.

And if that is the question, then be honest with yourself and with her.

She’s not a thing to decorate your world, she’s a living breathing human just like you, who deserves to be loved and probably loves you.

If you think her sole purpose is to be a decoration, be honest with her about that, and then you can both have a conversation about the real state of your relationship.

Doesn’t She Know I Think She’s Gorgeous?

Nice one bro, that’s a better question ๐Ÿ™‚

Yes, I know you wouldn’t be with her if you didn’t find her attractive. (And if you are, maybe consider getting some help with that because you’re not doing either of you any favours!)

But women don’t automatically think that way, because our whole lives, dozens of times a day, we’re told that being attractive is our number one job, and fighting that takes a lot of time and effort.

So if she’s feeling insecure enough to ask you the question, YOU are the one to remind her that she’s the only woman you want, the only woman you really find attractive, that’s she’s more to you than only a body, and you think she’s irresistible.

Yes I know it’s annoying that women aren’t more direct, I get that.

But most women are not more direct because they feel vulnerable. How would you feel if everywhere you looked you saw perfect ripped men with messages telling you that you’ll only be ‘enough’ if you buy the promise the bloke in the picture is selling? Thing is, you can hurt her by making her think she’s worth less to you than a few seconds of your honest attention, just like she can hurt you when you open up.

And women are hugely vulnerable around their body image, something like 98% of women criticise their looks many times every single day.

What else can you say?

Feel free to mix and match any of these responses, or even get creative and come up with one of your own.

Just remember that the purpose of asking “does this make me look fat?” is to get reassurance from you that she’s your world.

You can help her heal that insecurity just by listening to what she’s really saying.

If you can get this right, your relationship will get stronger every day. Remember, happy wife, happy life ๐Ÿ™‚

I know you can do it. So go get practicing already!

1 Comment

  1. Sandy on May 4, 2011 at 8:23 pm

    @Mary, oh yes! I often think men don’t realise that many women crave that bit of validation! they think “she should know I think she’s attractive” – I don’t know about you, but my mindreading’s pretty defective, usually really inaccurate, and highly unreliable! ๐Ÿ™‚

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