I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how our lives roll out, the things we create, and if that applies to how you create your negative body image.
Or if you even do create it…
The whole notion of our lives as a creation of our minds is so powerful and has really taken root in main stream consciousness since The Secret popularised the teaching of Abraham and other thought leaders.
I’ve never doubted that the way my life looks is the clear result of what I feel and think about myself and the world.
And honestly to me that’s always felt SO disempowering, like I’m 31 flavours of fucked up and it will take WORK, DAMMIT to fix myself.
If you’ve ever had the thought that there is so much about yourself that you need to FIX, that you did create your negative body image, you can probably relate to that heavy endless hopeless feeling.
And the idea that you or I actually MADE that happen adds to feeling bad, right?
So for many years now I’ve trained myself to listen to my thoughts, notice when certain thoughts don’t serve me (“You’re so ugly, no way you deserve to be/do/have that thing….’ was a biggie for many years), and spentmany hours and dollars learning from other teachers to do it all ‘better’ than I have in the past.
And it does feel like a LOT of work. Endless work, what’s more.
Then today I had what I can only call an epiphany; a perspective shift so powerful it feels like my eyes have opened and I’m seeing a new world.
I know, it sounds woo woo at best and exaggerated at worst.
It happened like this:
I gift myself a regular mutual-coaching mastermind session most Saturday mornings with a dear friend and super coach Lenore. We share what’s been working for us and what’s been challenging and help one another see what’s underlying it all.
Every week we are so amused at how aligned our thinking and experiences are and how the root is so similar. Talk about the whole being greater than the sum of its parts… it’s delightful 🙂
I’ve been exploring Energy EFT and Lenore has been reading and processing thinking around limits we impose on ourselves.The notion of limits is not new, but Lenore’s reading was around how we hit limits we don’t know we have and then we pull back from them. We agreed this is a way more helpful thinking process than the old self-sabotage idea, which feels h-e-a-v-y!
So what is a limit?
A limit is a set of ideas or beliefs that we learn before we even know “I” exists, before we even know we are learning. The limits come from our families, our friends and neighbours, our culture. We absorb their limits as truth, as the way things are and should be.
We don’t even know we have these limits until the way we express them becomes so painful that we are really forced to figure out what the heck is going on.
That’s when we might come across a couple of different, even opposite, ideas:
- Poor me, look what the world/this person/this organisation is doing to me
- I created this thing that is showing up in my life
and the notion that we get to choose which way we want to go.
To me there’s no doubt that the first one is choosing to be a victim to life and circumstance, and the second is about taking responsiblity for how life is playing out.
Back to the Mastermind…
With all of that going on in our minds, naturally that’s where our discussion and tapping lead us.
And today this perspective shift blew us both away. It’s this:
Yes, we do create everything in our lives, the good the bad the ugly. And in creating all of that we are doing the best we know how to do.
Nothing new there.
BUT what if our creations are simply the way we express the limits we have learned to impose on our lives?
I get that maybe it’s just another way of saying the same thing, but to me it feels different. It feels light. It feels liberating. It feels like it has no judgement.
For me it was pretty much always the second option – I created this – though very often it was tied up with something like “If I just try harder to be or make it all perfect, then it will work”. So For Me it was “I created this, what a fool!”
I have been playing a massive inner-blame game. I have been a victim of my own thinking, of my own limits.
Until I got this perspective shift: this is the best way I knew to express my limits.
And when I focussed on today’s limit-of-the-day, Life Must Be a Struggle, and tapped all around the thing I got the most extraordinary energy and mind shift.
I’ll be processing this more in weeks to come no doubt, but the biggest thing for me was this immediate releasing of self-judgement and self-blame that I didn’t even know was there.
I’m a counsellor, I talk with people about this stuff all the time. I monitor my thoughts, tap to transform my feelings, consciously shift my energy to higher frequences, all the time. And I had no idea how much self-judgement and self-blame I was carrying.
Yes that is a big blank space, I left it there because I was struck speechless at this realisation.
And then I laughed. And laughed. One because it’s so absurd to carry all of that stuff, two because we humans are so funny with our judgements, and three because it was such a relief to finally be aware of it and to let it move on.
And anyway it’s all okay you know – because that’s just how I was expressing my limit. 😉
What Does This Mean For Negative Body Image?
Did you actually create your negative body image, all those negative body feelings? Let’s see…
“The world makes women feel bad about their bodies.” Notice how it feels.
“I have created all of these negative body image feelings”. Notice how it feels.
“How I think and feel about my body is only an expression of my limits.” Notice how it feels. Different in any way? Lighter, heavier, something else?
Of course any of the Body Image EFT Tapping programs here on BBC will help shift out the rest of the negative body image feelings – but how about this for a really interesting start?
I’d love to hear your experience and your opinion, please do share below…