Sandy…. yes I have a body image issue that keeps me very stuck in deep saddness. I had a cosmetic surgery operation … a thigh lift sort of about two years ago. It left me with long scars beneath each of my butt cheeks…. where the butt meets the legs. I am so embarrassed and do not even want to live sometimes. I feel like a freak and am just so sad all the time. ~ D
Being Kind and Taking Care of You
Hi D – oh I’m so sorry this is happening for you. Please please be kind to yourself about everything –about your sadness, your embarrassment and even about the decision to have the surgery – you were looking for answers and surgery seemed like it would be the right one for you.
D – I can only imagine your despair about this issue. I have had deep sadness and despair in my own life about other issues so I can understand the feeling if not that exact cause. The thing that really helped me was being able to speak with someone about the real cause of that sadness and despair, and stopping hiding it behind a mask of pretending that life was grand and I was fine!
Is there a counselling service of some kind near you that you can reach? I strongly feel that some support from a real person would be so helpful for you now.
Actions To Take Right Now
1. Breathe Consciously
But RIGHT NOW, put one hand on your heart, and place your other hand over it – so that both hands are over your heart. Close your eyes and focus on the feeling of sadness. Take a deep breath in and then breathe out deeply. Do it twice more. That should release some of that deep sadness so that you can start to think a little more clearly. If you need to repeat the process to ease the sadness even more, do it. Keep doing it until your chest feels lighter.
2. Get Some Rescue Remedy Into You
I always suggest people start using a natural stress remedy like Rescue Remedy – it’s all-natural, a powerful flower essence, has no chemicals, is available in all kinds of forms (drops, spray, gum, pastilles, cream…) and is an incredible support for any and every kind of stress because it supports your body’s energy system and emotions.
When I was in my deepest despair I added Rescue Remedy to my drinking water bottle so I was having some every time I had a sip of water. Because it’s an energy remedy you can’t overdose, but you only need four drops at a time – more won’t have any more effect. You can also get it in a spray and as soft jellies that you suck. I took rescue remedy for literally weeks until the other things I was doing lifted me out the despair.
3. Use EFT Tapping Personal Peace Process
Next I’d suggest that you use what’s called the Personal Peace Process. (Please forgive me if what I’m about to write is completely wrong, please feel free to substitute your own words.)
Start by writing (pen and paper, not typing on computer) exactly what’s happening for you now. For example you might write:
- I’m so embarrassed about these scars
- I can’t stand the thought of someone else seeing them
- this sadness is overwhelming
And keep writing – one thought and/or feeling on each line.
You’ll find you start to go on to related, deeper feelings, for example:
- I’m so angry that I don’t feel better about my thighs after the surgery
- I feel betrayed that I believed them when they said I’d feel better
- I’m embarrassed that I believed them
- I’m angry that I spent all that money
- I feel worse than I did before the surgery
Then maybe you’ll find you’re moving on to other thoughts and feelings about your body – write those down too.
Keep going until you have at least 50 things on that list, just let it all flow. (Something about using handwriting to get this stuff onto paper seems to make the feelings flow…. More so than typing them on a screen.)
Then read the list from top to bottom. See if you can rank the statements. So if you noticed your sadness was the strongest feeling on the list you would write “1” next to that statement. Keep going through the list until you have at least five statements ranked with a number; if you want to keep going until you have ranked them all, you can do that too.
Now go back to your list, to the number 1 statement on the list, and use the EFT process to focus on the sadness (link opens a video in a new window to show you how the process works). Keep focussing on that feeling of sadness all through the process until you feel it’s reduced.
That might be as much as you can do today, or you can move on to the second statement on your list. Remember that using Rescue Remedy can help enormously while you’re processing these huge overwhelming feelings.
Now look at the number 2 statement on your list and use the EFT process to change those feelings.
And so on, until you work through the list.
You may notice that you get specific memories popping into you head while you’re doing the EFT process. Don’t stop what you’re doing, just write them on your list and you’ll come back to them later. This is so helpful because it’s about not suppressing the feelings; it’s about dealing with them as you feel able to.
D, EFT is the most helpful amazing process I’ve ever used for anything. There’s no question in my mind it helped me enormously when I was struggling with my own negative body image, and when I was dealing with incredible despair and shock. I wrote the personal peace process into a journal to help find more of the memories and issues that cause pain for people. I so hope using this process will help you too.
Please feel free to ask more questions.
With warmest wishes to you dear lady,