Comebacks for the Body Snarks

snark1 Our culture is so critical of anyone whose weight is above ‘average’, or below for that matter, and especially of women, that telling a woman she is fat is one of the worst, most insulting things you can ever say to a woman.

Years ago when I was doing work experience at the Qld Eating Disorders Association, they had a fabulous resource on comebacks for the body police, I wish I’d kept a copy along with their excellent Eating Disorders Manual.

Meanwhile, I’ve been putting together this little list of comeback lines that you can use when someone’s snarking at your body, or perhaps snarking to you about their own or someone else’s body.

“You’d be so much [….] if you’d only lose weight!”

Linda Bacon:

Oh no, a heart as loving as mine wouldn’t fit in a diminutive body.

Heaven forbid, there’s not enough of me to go around as it is!

Bite your tongue, a personality this huge would starve in anything smaller!

Why would I want to lose weight, when I’m so damn gorgeous right now?

And make less of me to love?

Marilyn Wann:

So what?

Kaz Cooke:

This is my natural shape, if it offends you, please don’t look at it.

What makes you so interested in my shape?

I’m not worried about it, so relax.

How kind of you to say so.

Who asked you?

Oh okay, I’ll start starving myself for you.

You’re skinny, have you got anorexia?

Kaz Cooke:

I am naturally thin. You know, like you’re naturally rude.

Small, but perfectly formed.

You’ve got [no tits, a fat butt, a huge nose, whatever they’re snarking about]

Kaz Cooke:

I’d rather have this than your small brain.

Your fly’s undone.

That’s not what you said last night…. (leer)

Am I supposed to care what you think?

Your girlfriend says:

I’m so fat.

You say: that’s flesh lovey, it holds your bones in.

And Here’s How to Deliver the Comeback

Someone bodysnarks at you.

Stand or sit up straight.

Make firm eye contact.

Pause for at least three seconds.

Use a firm well-modulated voice (but not a bitchy tone) to make your statement or ask your question.

Them: “You’re really skinny, have you got anorexia?”

You: Stand up straight, look them in the eye, pause for three seconds, and deliver your line.

What’s your favourite comeback line for body snarking? Please share below.

Tell us what you think - you know you want to ;)